I need help with a persuasive letter

Hello I have wrote the letter already but I need to improve some areas in the letter. Here is the feedback from the professor.

Luz,

Read through the letter this morning. Written very well and looks good. After looking over the assignment requirements I see there are a few things missing from it though that are required. I’ve copied the letter requirements into this post.

These are just my two cents, your letter is good but I just think it needs a little tweaking to meet the assignment requirements.

What’s everyone else thoughts after reading through the letter?

o Decide which social media tool (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Flickr, pinterest, etc.) would be most effective to build clientele for this type of business and explain the benefits of adding this social media avenue on Tan It Up’s Webpage.

–You mention “social media” as something the company should try out but I believe we need to specify which type (or types) we would like to try on the Tan it up Company. I’m thinking Facebook is definitely the choice for this type of company and potentially Twitter as well. You do mention the benefits of Facebook Ads and targeting customers which is perfect for this Tan it Company. So maybe adding some more specifics using examples directly related to things Facebook Ads can do for the company?
o Find a company online who IS using that type of social media well and provide a link to that website explaining that you want the social media on her site to be equally effective.

-There’s mention that the Hillcrest Marketing Company has worked with Walmart, Amazon, etc but we would need to provide a link to their website one of those.
o Explain that your Marketing firm will install and manage the social media tool after she approves its usage.

-Once we specified the type of social media we’d like to use (Facebook, Twitter, etc) then this can be added in to the letter as well.
o Explain the level of interest you expect to generate and what your method will be for responding to posts/tweets/etc.
o Your job is to convince her that she needs SOME type of social media to ensure connection with the most potential customers and to build excitement/buzz about her new business.

-I believe you did good on this, good details about social media in general and the benefits of it to their business.

The letter instruction are the following:

Letters require the most formal writing of the three genres you are developing here because they are generally sent to recipients OUTSIDE an organization.Chapter 11 discusses how to develop persuasive messages to drive your audience to action.Review pages pages 651, 652 to understand formatting expectations so that you include all necessary parts of a letter.In case social media is new to you, links containing articles about use of social media in businesses are provided on the “Social Media” handout located under the Content page.

Parameters:
- You may use Block Style or Modified Block Style formatting,
- You MUST use “Mixed Punctuation” to maintain formality and courtesy.
- You may make your letter look like letterhead by including a fancy logo of your business and contact info up top.

Letter Scenario:Assume

you work for a Marketing firm as an accounts manager.As a team, use

what you’ve learned in this chapter about persuasive messages to draft a Letter to a potential client, Julie Doe, the Manager of Tan It Up, at 123 Sun Way, Daytona Beach, FL 32114.Assume that Tan It Up

is a new local Tanning Salon.Your persuasive letter should convince her

to allow you to add a social media tool to her Website to entice and

connect with potential/existing customers.

Edit

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APA 668 words